Most marriage experts focus on "active listening," which includes explaining, confirming, and confirming your spouse's response. However, the psychologist Gottman, M.D., who has been engaged in interpersonal relationship research for 30 years in the United States, has written a book titled "The Seven Principles of Happy Marriage", suggesting that if you want to have a happy marriage, you must stop nitpicking on each other and save the energy of arguing to solve larger issues.
For the sake of marital happiness, here are nine ways to deal with conflicts in marriage:
◆ Don't make things big: Be kind, don't attack character, don't swear.
Make small concessions: Small concessions are important, you must be tolerant of the other party, and often make small concessions.
◆ Specific behavior: Don't say "you're a terrible person", say "I'm very dissatisfied with your throwing your clothes on the ground.". This statement indicates how you feel about a specific behavior, so that the other person may change their behavior.
◆ Don't "dig up old accounts": Don't find fault, don't dig up everything that happened 5 or 10 years ago, it will definitely not solve the problem.
◆ Pause the quarrel and try to be calm: the calmer you are in a quarrel, the more serious the other person will take it. When encountering conflicts, you first inhale deeply - counting from one to ten - and then exhale. If you find yourself feeling unwell, stop arguing immediately, wait a few hours, and deal with it when you're not angry. It will feel better and you will have a new perspective.
◆ Choose the right time: not at night, not when people are tired, hungry, children are present, or there are important tasks that must be completed.
◆ Think More: Consider your spouse's point of view and consider the meaning of each of your actions.
◆ Use special methods to repair relationships: humor or compromise can be used. Shifting the target and turning things around from the edge of an upset.
Discuss conflicts on the phone: This is an effective way to eliminate all non verbal expressions. She wouldn't see him staring at the ceiling unless he was face-to-face; He wouldn't have seen her roll her eyes. This can make things more positive.