Post Date April, 15 2023
Q:
My husband is my true first boyfriend. Before I met him, I had never held hands with any other man, and he had talked to three girlfriends before, so my experience in relationships is far inferior to him. I don't attach great importance to material things because my own family conditions are quite good, but I place great importance on love, with all my heart set on getting the love of my husband.
But after getting married, we had constant arguments, all about trivial things in life. His personality was very stubborn and he insisted on arguing with me to make a name for himself.
After more than 6 months of marriage, I became pregnant. The strong pregnancy reaction and the feeling of being ignored by him made our argument even worse. At that time, my mother asked him if he could let me order, but later on, he didn't even know how to respect my mother.
The days that followed became even more difficult, as the war between us evolved into a conflict between our parents. In a fit of anger, I sent a text message proposing a divorce. Two days later, he replied to me, "Leave immediately, and you should inform me in advance when to complete the procedures." I was confused at the time, and I didn't expect him to be so cruel when he didn't care about our relationship or my child. I have been procrastinating, hoping that he will change his mind, but in exchange, I have miscarried.
After miscarriage, I was in great pain. I cried every day and kept crying. I couldn't believe that the person who treated me so well before would treat me like this today. Why does he change his face as quickly as flipping through a book! I am really in a state of turmoil now, teacher. Can you help me!
Answer:
Understand the pain in your heart at this moment, and take good care of your body. Every marriage gradually transitions from infancy to maturity, and during this period, due to the gap between marriage before and after marriage, as well as the pressure brought by separation from the original family, it is easy to encounter friction due to some trivial life matters. If this period of adjustment can be passed, the marriage will enter a gentle development period, and the relationship between the couple will also deepen after adjustment.
According to your explanation, the trigger for divorce is mainly because you do not know how to self mediate and control emotions, how to solve problems, leading to small things worsening into big things. In addition, the intervention of both parents has escalated the marital conflict into a family war, which will make your marriage more and more chaotic. Love is worn out, and family relationships are not yet secure, only then do they forcefully think of "divorce" to seek liberation.
Give each other some time to calm down and think about whether it's really necessary to argue over family matters? In addition, you need to communicate with your own parents and earnestly request that they no longer interfere with your marriage, and provide enough space and time for you to handle it yourself; Of course, after marriage, you also need to accept the gap between love and marriage, cultivate communication channels and resolution models that are suitable for resolving conflicts between you, use "three rules and regulations" to divide the responsibilities of both parties, try to have more empathy with your husband, less complaining, and give him more understanding and tolerance.
