What should I do when I am inexplicably angry? A girl walked into a crowded coffee shop and wanted to have a cup of coffee. When she found a vacant seat in the corner, she took off her overcoat to take a seat and went to line up to order something.
But when she returned, she found a group of men sitting in the vacant seat she had just occupied, happily eating. "So she immediately said, 'I'm sorry, I just occupied this seat.'". Men say, "You're not here again!"! "Here's my coat!" she replied unhappily! You pushed me aside!
The other party then said, "With so many guests today, if you want a seat, you need someone to take it!"! You can't take a seat with clothes! This girl couldn't help but get mad. She sat down and shouted, "I just want to sit here!"! Then, she accidentally knocked over the coffee on her hand!
"But now, in order to occupy her seat, she couldn't go to the counter to order another cup of coffee, so she sat there awkwardly, caught in a dilemma. Suddenly, she felt ashamed and angry, and burst into tears.".
When people see this situation, they may think that this girl is making a fuss or has something wrong with her? However, I feel that standing in her position is really enough to make people feel heartache, and crying loudly is also understandable! Everyone has a tipping point for anger, and there are complex feelings lurking beneath the angry emotions. Not to mention others, even the parties may not necessarily understand what they are angry about.
We might as well try to think about how this girl feels angry and hurt?
"Everyone else has friends who can help take a seat, but she's alone and hasn't gone to order coffee alone. Life is really unfair. Looking around the coffee shop, everyone is accompanied, and I'm the only one. Why am I so lonely?"?
In case this incident evokes memories of her being kicked or abandoned by her boyfriend... It's tragic to think that at this age, she was still a dried fish girl, and finally dressed up beautifully, even being humiliated by strangers
"The more I think about it, the more I feel inferior. In order to hide this feeling, I deliberately increased my momentum, but I accidentally turned over my coffee, causing me to fall into a more embarrassing situation... If it were you, would you also want to cry?"?
Facing such emotions requires emotional management. When feeling overwhelmed by emotions for some reason, try the following three steps:
1. Assess the current environment
Let's calm down and think about it. Are the people who made me angry today really worth my anger? Do I intersect with their lives? Do they need to care about their opinions? After the evaluator, evaluate the time and place. Ask yourself: Will anger cost you more here? (For example, losing face in front of everyone) Or can I really get what I want?
When you don't know why you are angry, you must calm down, carefully observe the people, things, places, and things around you, and think about what to do and what not to do.
2. Interpreting others' behavioral motivations
Secondly, please think about the motivations of those who make you feel angry? Taking this story as an example, do the men who occupy seats want to tell this girl that she is ashamed of not having friends? Is she still so busy with her work that she can only drink coffee and have no dinner? Do you think this girl is pathetic?
Of course not! They just happened to be sitting there drinking coffee.
3. Lock in the goals you really want to achieve
If that girl only wants a good cup of coffee alone, she should actually go to a smaller coffee shop. At this point, her heart is already very hurt, and if she conflicts with others again, it will only make her heart feel more hurt and lonely.
"If she feels uncomfortable, she can also protest to the coffee shop clerk in due course, instead of sulking herself.".
In fact, anger is a very simple thing. Many times, it is just a superficial secondary emotion. Under the emotions of anger, there are often many meanings hidden, such as panic, fear, sadness, loneliness, or feelings of loneliness.
Therefore, the next time you feel angry about something, please pay attention to the real emotions behind it, so that you won't be controlled and affected by negative emotions.