Sexual Health
What should I do if my ex-husband and I fall in love with unmarried college students after their divorce
I had a marriage history. He was a college student who was unmarried. After his divorce from his ex-husband, he met his current boyfriend through the Internet. We have been in contact with each other on WeChat for half a year. He knows everything about me, loves my experience from childhood to adulthood, and doesn't care about my marriage history. Until the end of the year, I saw me and spent 10 days with me. I felt that he was stable, had rich life experience and social experience. He was kind, understood me, and knew how to love others. I was very impressed with him. I came to him from his hometown within a few months.
Shortly after arriving in the north, he quit his job and stayed with me for several months. During that time, he took me to meet his parents, relatives and friends, took me out to play, and bought me delicious food and clothes. When I first came to his home, his parents liked me very much. They gave me this and that. They also wrapped me a 2000 gift before leaving. They said that he hadn't brought his girlfriend back in seven or eight years.
The weather in the north is much colder than I expected. He bought me down jacket, cotton shoes and cotton pants. In winter, he let me stay in the house, buy me food and fruit. As long as I want, he will buy it for me no matter how much money. But he was very stingy to himself. His socks were broken, and he was unwilling to buy a new pair. Plus, he didn't go to work, and owed a sum of money, and then went to find a job. Even if I owe money, I can borrow money to buy what I need.
When spring came, I also said that I would find a job and help him share it. He said that I didn't know much about this place. In addition, he didn't let me go because he didn't know the language. The contradiction began from then on. Because of the high pressure of work, his temper became irritable, his words didn't count (of course, most of them related to money), and he was male chauvinistic, sometimes he didn't consider my feelings.
For a period of time, Love and the girl on the Internet were ambiguous. He said it was just boring and had no other meaning. Most of them are business trips. When I came back to me, I deleted all the chat records, and the words of WeChat friends circle (because I have his WeChat password, so I sometimes went to see it), which made me delete all the netizens after I found it. After a period of time, these words disappeared.
If he doesn't go on business, he will lie beside me all day and play with his mobile phone. He doesn't like to talk to me and has made a lot of noise. But after the quarrel, he doesn't say anything. He just talks directly. I found our values are very different, but I also slapped him in the face. I said I would go back to the south, and he would persuade me to kneel down and beg for me, saying that he can't live without me. Without him, he would never meet such a good girlfriend like me again.
In his heart, I am such a woman: not greedy, kind, filial and lovely. It is my character that makes me content with the status quo, not motivated, and like to live a flat and light life. He is self-motivated and hopes to lead a superior and rich life in the future. But people in their 30s are still playful. He knows that he has many shortcomings, but he can't change them.
He has a very stubborn temper. He only accepted what he said on the surface, but he didn't do it. We also tried to get through the ditch, but each time ended in a fight. We have been together for nearly two years. I have seen all his relatives. He also spent a lot of money on me, and he was reluctant to part. But he didn't want to live in such a noisy life. How should I see this relationship? Please give me some advice, thank you! Agree to publish publicly, please remain anonymous.
reply:
Many feelings are like this. They look very beautiful when they are not contacted, and they are also good when they are just contacted. They can feel a special sweetness. Especially for people who get to know each other in a special way, such as online love, you have a very special illusory beauty, and you can get a share of happiness together in the initial days.
However, with the passage of time, their shortcomings will be exposed when they contact each other for a long time. In particular, when romantic love is gradually integrated into the real situation and baptism, there will naturally be contradictions and disputes between you. After all, love will not live in a vacuum, but will eventually touch all kinds of reality, including the pressure of survival, work and money, and life philosophy.
At this time, you all need to ask yourself whether the other person you are looking for is the one you really need and love? Don't deceive yourself. As far as you are concerned, don't feel for feelings; For him, don't attach because of attachment. In this regard, if you want to make your love a success, you need to do the following:
1. Learn to be moderately tolerant and accommodate his man-centered attitude
Some boys are self-centered, which is his philosophy and habit of life. Especially others just graduated from school and haven't received too much social baptism. Some things need to be polished slowly. So if you want to be with him, you can either tolerate or adapt, or you can only choose to leave.
2. Resolve his pressure correctly and actively improve his communication skills
For him, making money from work is only his superficial pressure, and his real intention of making you look good is not to let you go to the outside to show up, because he also has internal pressure, that is, his cautious eyes, he may not trust you, so he has concerns, he does not want you to go to work outside. At this point, you must communicate with him patiently and strive for his understanding.
3. Don't fight against him, and defuse his diamond horn with the attitude of a passer-by
Don't easily vent your temper to him. You should take out the mature mentality of past people and having a marriage experience to face it
The man in front of you needs you to use enough maturity and wisdom to resolve his edges and corners, otherwise you will only lose both sides, and will eventually split up due to emotional rigidity.
4. Be his intimate coach and promote him to grow slowly
In the process of getting along with him, if you want to continue with him and finally achieve success, you need to take the responsibility of helping him grow, because you have chosen a boy who is not as mature as you think. To this end, you need to position your role as his intimate coach, give him good discipline, give yourself enough patience, and help him grow a little bit, then you will have the possibility of slowly getting along.
5. Don't hit people, hide rudeness and show your cultivation
The most taboo thing for women is to start beating people. This will not only instantly erase your charm as a woman, but also may bring you a violent beating because of angering him. It is easy to cultivate your domestic violence in an invisible way, and ultimately it will be a win-win situation, causing marriage to suffer. It's better to communicate more. Communication is the key to the heart and the password to open the heart knot.
If you can't do the above, maybe you can only choose to break up with him. You should understand that it is very important to find the right person in the emotional field. If it is not your own dish, don't force it.