[Question]
Teacher, what should I do? My husband is currently divorcing me.
My husband and I got to know each other through an introduction and have been in a relationship for over a year. Last Spring Festival until July, I have been relying on phone communication. In October 2014, we were planning to get married because he had a virgin complex, and I knew he had a serious one. Therefore, I used childish behavior to stimulate him. When my ex boyfriend came back to me, I deliberately left the text message blank, and he was very angry. Break up later. I know this is my fault, and after admitting our mistake, we got together again.
Later, we got a marriage certificate, but because of the previous distrust, he has always said that he would re-establish it, and every day he questioned me against the previous confusion, and I often said without thinking clearly that he had a strong logical thinking, which turned into a habit of telling lies that he could see through every time.
He said trust has completely disappeared and he doesn't even understand what to say to me. Yesterday, I tried to make him happy and show him the things he had bought before. He was very happy to see them, but later I mistakenly mentioned his birthday date, and he wanted a divorce. What should I do?
Answer
He has been trying to reform you, which is why there is preaching after marriage, but you completely don't understand. The two of them are basically in a state of 'you tell you, I do mine', and he can't understand now.
You have many problems: 1. The virgin complex is a ticking time bomb scenario, You have also exposed unclear information related to your ex boyfriend to him (no matter what the reason, it is extremely foolish to accuse your ex of being angry with the current one. Even if he is jealous and exposes the truth for you, it makes him suspect that you have betrayed. What is the benefit of this for love and marriage? Making men tense about you means making them feel like they have competitors, rather than directly facing other men); 2. He is a person with a strong desire for control, while you have no independent opinions and are quite capricious. There is a significant personality difference between the two, but they are not complementary and mutually beneficial personalities; If he is angry all his life, you will compromise and admit your mistakes without principle. This is not a long-term solution, and your confession will also appear cheap because it is too casual; 3. You have always been in contact by phone before, which shows that it is a different place, but both of you come from the same hometown. Now, I don't know if you have a job. If you don't, and you get married to another city, then you are very passive now. Because they raise you at home. A woman without financial ability is equivalent to having no say in her husband's family.
He's right, trust needs to be rebuilt, but deep down, you feel like he's making a big deal out of a molehill. It's not something that can be done by fooling the past. To be honest, he's asking questions and getting annoyed, but you're wrong first, and that's the price of making mistakes. You can only speak the truth at this moment, but if you speak the truth directly, it's not appropriate because speaking too directly can easily hurt feelings. Moreover, if you remember your birthday incorrectly and good things turn bad, you have already suffered so much due to this personality. If you don't change it, men may really get divorced in frustration.
At present, if you say more good and soft words, he will still change his mind. Some people speak harshly but have a soft heart, that's how they are.