Post Date April, 15 2023
The term 'cohabitation' here refers to a fixed sexual relationship that is not a marriage. In the past, unmarried cohabitation was considered illegal and unethical; In some "civilized" societies in the West, cohabitation is considered a fashionable way of life for modern men and women. According to statistics, half of the brides in the United States who ultimately took to the red carpet for weddings in the 1990s had cohabited with their boyfriends. In recent years, many urban women in China have also adopted this lifestyle. What do they think? Are their choices guaranteed for themselves?
Xiao Chen (30 years old, a senior employee of a securities company; cohabitation time: 1 year; cohabitation reason: we can spend time together every day.) I met Ping at a social ball and soon fell in love. After graduation, we both stayed in Shenzhen. In order to stay together every day, we simply rented a small house and lived together. But one year later, one day when I returned to the cabin, I found that he had left a letter behind. He said he truly loves me, but how can a man face his beloved woman without money? He also said that Shenzhen is not suitable for him, and he wants to seek the foundation of his career development in the north. I am sad, I cry, I wait, but there has been no news from him. As time passed, my heart gradually calmed down. Actually, we have never promised anything between us. We have had each other and had fun together, that's enough.
Fangfang (27 years old, primary school teacher; cohabitation time: 3 years; cohabitation reason: to have a companion.) was admitted to a teacher's college from the countryside and then assigned to work at a primary school in the city. That year, I had just turned 18 years old. Most of my colleagues come from the urban area and are about the same age as me. What makes me envious is not that they are close to home, nor that they dress up beautifully, but that every night, a boy usually comes to pick them up to go shopping, watch movies, or stroll the mall. By the weekend, they were even paired up. In the eyes of my colleagues, I seem like an unloved 'Cinderella'. Therefore, when he appeared by my side, I quickly accepted him and fell madly in love with him. I naturally moved into his house. From then on, I no longer felt like a 'Cinderella' that no one wanted in front of my colleagues. Later, he and I rented a room near the school to live together. Every day, I prepare meals and wait for him to come back to eat together. Even if I want to quit now, it's unlikely. I just wait for all the conditions to mature before getting married.
Li Ying (30 years old, a government official; cohabitation time: 6 years; cohabitation reason: to fit in.) Before I got married, I lived with my lover for 6 years. Fortunately, cohabitation led us into marriage. Living together exposes us completely, and everything about each other is inevitably revealed in front of each other without reservation. I like to eat light, he likes to eat salty, so he changed it to neither salty nor light. I want to go to bed early, but he wants to go to bed late, so we unified it as no early or no late. I want to go shopping, and he wants to watch a movie, so he reconciled it to going shopping first and then watching a movie... All of these may not be worth mentioning in love, but they are the fuse of contradictions in life. Over the course of six years of life, we have been constantly adapting and changing. After countless iterations, we didn't feel bored and reached a high level of consistency in all aspects, so we got married.
Yanping (27 years old, university teacher; cohabitation time: 2 years; cohabitation reason: impulsive.) I met my boyfriend while chatting online. The online communication in the past six months has made us understand each other a lot. He once jokingly suggested saving two people's phone and internet expenses and renting a house together, but I didn't take it seriously at the time. Until one day, he took me to an empty house and said to me, "This will be our home, and I have given you a key." Of course, this is not a proposal. He always emphasizes that he is a responsible adult and insists on not letting marriage become an uncertain gamble. I stood in the middle of the house, and a certain emotion of the female in my bones was suddenly awakened, as if I were going to participate in the "family passing" game that I had loved playing since I was young. From then on, we began a happy cohabitation life, welcoming every morning together and answering the challenges that life has brought us. Actually, if you ask me if I will marry him in the future, I will answer honestly. I haven't thought it through yet.
Lili (28 years old, a company employee; cohabitation time: 2 years; cohabitation reason: in the name of love.) has been in love for a year. On a summer afternoon, he hugged me and gently said, "I live so lonely alone..." Looking into his eyes, I didn't hesitate and moved into his simple little house with longing. In the name of love, everything is so natural. He and I quickly adapted to living together, going to work, leaving work, buying groceries, cooking, washing dishes, and tidying up the house every day. These days are very ordinary but very real, very trivial but very romantic, at least it made me not regret my choice, and there is also a little touching. All the friends who know us and are familiar with our stories feel that we live such a happy life. Just as we ourselves were intoxicated with the joy of harmony, problems began to arise. After cohabiting for a month, after he and I had a full understanding and experience of this kind of cohabitation, the first "war" broke out. The reason is simple: I received a phone call from him after returning home from work. He said he wanted to have dinner with a few friends, but it wasn't until midnight that I heard the sound of the door lock twisting. Then came my crying, his apology, and both sides shook hands to make peace. But gradually, I argued with him more and more about such things, and the initial romance and happiness seemed to become rare. After calming down time and time again, I gradually discovered the cause of the contradiction. After all, cohabitation is cohabitation, because there is no status or recognition from family or friends, this kind of relationship can easily lead to awkward situations for both parties. He and I have already left each other without freedom and privacy. So six months later, we separated again. But separating doesn't mean breaking up. In the following days, everything will return to its usual track. After work, we will each go home and have time to talk on the phone. We will meet again on the weekend. Although we have less time together, it seems that we have regained the original care, longing, and love.
Gao Chang (31 years old, actor; cohabitation time: 7 years; cohabitation reason: for freedom.) I love freedom and will not belong to any man. I really enjoy living together as a way of life, and of course, I don't object to others getting married and starting a family. Marriage is necessary for most people. Establishing a family with a place of one's own, where one can have children, is indeed very desirable. But I can't. I have my own special circumstances and life pursuits, and I cannot establish a fixed family with a man. But as a woman, I also need love, a partner, support and dependence. I can wander alone and prefer to live with the opposite sex, but I can never be a good wife and mother, and I can never give up the art I love for the sake of my family. So, cohabitation is the best family lifestyle for people like me.
