It is said that the relationship between couples relies on mutual trust, but in life, trust is not necessarily the only way for couples to get along. In fact, in the relationship between husband and wife, we still need to pay attention to the following 10 behaviors and not let the emotions between husband and wife fade.
1. Don't be blindly suspicious
Don't think that you know your lover's thoughts and feelings like the palm of your hand, nine out of ten, you will make mistakes. In marital crises, this situation often occurs: the suspicion of catching clues makes both individuals angry, difficult to communicate, and ultimately the relationship breaks down.
Suggestion: Take a piece of paper and follow your intuition to directly complete the sentence 'I guess my lover will ____ think of me (towards me)'. Then, verify the correctness of the guess with your partner. As a result, you will find that many guesses are wrong. When encountering questions, the best way is to ask him directly.
2. Don't take everything for granted
It is very important to express gratitude to a loved one and eliminate three major negative attitudes: a sense of entitlement, unrealistic expectations, and pretentious forgetfulness.
Suggestion: Write down the big and small things your partner has done for you. Ask yourself if you have expressed gratitude for these things and how it is expressed. Keep expressing gratitude for a week, and you will notice the changes.
3. Don't often complain
It's all your fault! "" You asked me to do it, because of you, things got messed up! "Such complaints are easy to say. And words like 'what responsibility should I take' are rarely spoken out. Complaining actually expresses accusations and threats, and the other party will naturally retaliate, leading to escalating conflicts.
Suggestion: Write down your grievances towards your partner, then ask yourself, self examine your responsibilities, and finally discuss with both parties to find a solution.
4. Don't give a blind explanation
I now understand why you are so picky, you're like your father. Such seemingly understandable analysis of the motives behind a lover's behavior can only lead to anger. As LELO said, it is important to know what should be explained and what should not be explained. Saying everything is your fault, which is fueling the shortcomings of your partner.
Suggestion: First understand the reasons for your anger, learn to listen to your partner's perspectives in an open and caring manner, use nonverbal means such as eyes to make them understand that you are listening attentively, and finally provide constructive suggestions.
5. Sometimes you should follow your own heart
The practice of sacrificing one's own feelings and blindly satisfying the other person may seem beneficial, but in reality, it is a manifestation of insincerity. It is difficult to have intimacy in a marriage without sincerity.
Suggestion: To be honest is more likely to win the trust of your partner and deepen the relationship between husband and wife. You may want to list all the things you are afraid of telling your partner based on their level of difficulty. Afterwards, start with the simplest thing and try to tell your partner the truth.
6. Silence is not your weapon
Silence is a deadly weapon in marital relationships.
Suggestion: Write a letter to your partner expressing the reasons for anger and your own troubles, and strive for communication and understanding between the couple with a positive attitude.
7. Don't speak in a provocative tone
Choosing to indulge oneself emotionally or physically is more like a provocation. For example, depression, reckless spending, suicide, etc.
Suggestion: Find a place where both parties can have a peaceful conversation for 30 minutes, and then figure out what actions are causing obstacles to your partner, and reflect on each one individually.
8. Don't look down on your lover
Couples should avoid words that lower their self-worth. For example, 'Why are you so lazy!' and so on.
Suggestion: List all the sentences that say 'how did you do it', then replace 'you' with 'me' and try to communicate with your partner using sentences that start with 'me'.
9. Don't threaten your lover even more
Language or physical threats and abuse inevitably lead to marital conflicts.
Suggestion: When you are angry with your partner, be sure to learn to control anger. For example, staying alone in the room and hitting the pillow with your fists or something else until your breath subsides. It's better to shout loudly while fighting, but make sure not to be heard. After your anger subsides, write a letter to your loved one, discussing the reasons for your anger. Be careful not to complain, just write about the harm you have suffered.
10. Don't tell outsiders everything
A marital conflict is like a war between two countries, where both sides want to fight for an alliance to support and consolidate their position. But the emergence of a third party is not conducive to communication between couples, fundamentally solving the conflicts between the two.
Suggestion: Both parties can calm down for a few days first, consider the gains and losses in the marriage relationship, and write down what they need to improve; After a few days, communicate face-to-face with your partner again.
(Intern Editor: Lai Jiaxing)