Q:
I really can't do anything about him. We were married for eight years, and when we were in our second year of graduate school, we married him. Our mentor and classmates attended the wedding, and we were once recognized as a model for campus romance.
After getting married, it plummeted. I know exactly what's wrong with him. Slovenly, not particular, only pretending in front of people. He is accustomed to calling and drinking to people close to him, and he is also like this to his parents, and he cannot speak. If he speaks without listening, the family can only do what he wants, and what others do is not suitable.
I feel frustrated and can't help it. We had children six months after marriage, and I don't know if it's a genetic relationship. Xiao Bao has a particularly stubborn temper and weak physique, often getting sick. In order to take care of him, I have to worry a lot, and because of childbirth, my studies have also been abandoned halfway and I haven't continued. But I didn't see how much he cared about our mother and son. I gradually transitioned from full of expectations to full of disappointment towards him. To be honest, if I could have foreseen that he would become like this after marriage, I wouldn't have gotten married even if I had killed him.
Later, when their company held an event and their family members also participated, I met their colleague once in a while. They saw him in a completely different image, and that was also his image when we were in love. He was reliable and considerate, and I couldn't figure it out. How could a man who was praised as good by outsiders come back to his own home and only act recklessly? Isn't it more important to pay attention to close family members?
After that, I had a big argument with him, saying it was a fight, but in fact, it was mostly me who said it. He rarely responded, only occasionally shouted loudly, and you couldn't finish it. Unable to communicate at all, he refused to pay attention to me. Sometimes I really feel that he is very unfamiliar, this man is not like the one I used to know
He also has a bad habit of often staying up late at night, usually getting home close to the early morning. It started when I was breastfeeding. In the past, when I was dating, he often didn't have time at night. At that time, I was busy with my studies, and I stayed up late for self-study, so I didn't mind it. Now I find myself really sad, I don't even know what my husband is doing all day. He doesn't have to run errands, and the nature of his work doesn't require overtime at all. If he doesn't stay overnight, it's not like he's with some other messy people, I don't believe it myself.
But I really have nothing to do with him. When I asked him why he went home so late, he just remained silent and didn't say a word. Whatever you say, if oil and salt don't come in, he just won't answer. I want to have a good conversation with him, but it's completely impossible.
When you say you're tired, he'll fall asleep like nothing happened. Really, some marriages like this are too tiring. I feel like I'm the only one struggling to make ends meet. What does he really want from me? Why can't he just live with me well?
Answer:
It's best to provide details about your marriage period, including when you decided to get married, who proposed it, and how did he perform during this period? These details can help determine whether this man is suitable for marriage and whether he needs marriage.
Yes, some people need the nourishment of love, but they resist the responsibility of marriage. They usually behave like ordinary people, but they make a mess of things in handling intimate relationships. This is what you mean, a good man in the eyes of others, but a husband who doesn't take care of his family. He is not good at coping and simply chooses to avoid. Many people, who understand the importance of seeking warmth and care during the romantic phase, switch to a married lifestyle and don't know how to maintain intimacy and freshness. Daily close contact can make them anxious and develop outward, seeking new relationships to avoid situations they don't adapt to. He is in a single state, just like he is in front of you now, but at that time you couldn't see him in this state.
Women complain about men's changes before and after marriage, often only after receiving a marriage certificate, the man disguises himself and returns to his original appearance, which is difficult to accept. If you need him to maintain consistency with before marriage, start by stopping putting pressure on him - yes, although you haven't noticed, the resentment you've accumulated due to trivial life has turned into a verbal attack, all aimed at him. You want an answer, but he cannot provide an answer that can calm your anger. Respond in a cold and violent manner. You are both constantly putting new pressure on each other, and marriage will only make both parties tired of dealing with it. Change the way first, then change the habits.
In addition, while receiving emotional counseling courses, it is important to closely observe whether the husband has a fixed extramarital partner. If so, timely separation is necessary. A stable extramarital relationship is the killer of disrupting marital emotional harmony.