Couple life is a circle that combines diverse factors. Although there are only two couples in this circle, there are many contradictions and conflicts. If not well regulated, it will inevitably damage the relationship between both parties. To maintain happiness, couples need to adjust the following three aspects.
Reconciling Couple Values
The conflict between spouses caused by inconsistent values is fundamental, such as the philosophy of life, views on happiness, achievement, and meaning of life, and the pursuit of life goals. If there is inconsistency between couples in these aspects and they both believe that they are absolutely right, while the other party is always "wrong", then when encountering related problems in life, they will blame each other and go against each other in behavior.
Whether inconsistent values lead to marital conflict depends on two factors: 1. The greater the degree of inconsistency, the stronger the resulting conflict; 2. Adjustable degree: In situations where one or both parties have strong tolerance and flexibility, inconsistency can gradually decrease and acceptance can gradually increase Laying the Four Cornerstones of Marriage Happiness
To reconcile the detachment of the 'self'
The detachment of the 'self' manifests in the following aspects: acting independently in terms of interests and having different basic interests. For the purpose of marital union, loving each other is for one's own needs, rather than contributing to each other; Gradually flat in emotions, even if transformed into friendship, it is also volatile and unstable; When there is a dispute, insist on seeing each other and not compromise; Using the behavior of others as a criterion for evaluation, rather than using inner standards as a criterion; In terms of psychotherapy function, when the other party is in pain and distress, they do not provide psychological comfort or help alleviate psychological tension; The coordination process between the two parties in terms of psychological adaptation is slow, and it is extremely difficult to reach a harmonious state.
Reconcile the 'desires and dissatisfaction' of couples
The dissatisfaction of husband and wife's needs includes the following aspects: lack of recognition of self-worth by the other party, and damage to self-esteem; The sexual requirements of one or both parties cannot be met; The legitimate emotional needs of one or both parties, such as tenderness and consideration, cannot be met; One spouse indulges in alcohol, indulgence, or other excessive demands, resulting in excessive family expenses and inability to make ends meet; One party is too extravagant, leading to issues with family material security; The needs of both parties in daily life are different, and there are differences in the purchase of daily appliances and the expenses required by each party; There are different needs and interests in rest, leisure, hobbies, and entertainment activities.
(Intern Editor: Lai Jiaxing)