Post Date April, 15 2023
I have been married to my husband for 3 years. At the beginning, he didn't know about romance, hugging, or kissing. He loves this family very much, but our sexual life only happens once every half a month since we get married.
We have never separated, and our husband never socializes. Even if there is a dinner party, he takes the initiative to lead me. Later, due to a job transfer, we are no longer in the same city, and we only see each other once a month.
Every time we meet, he doesn't know how to take the initiative to hug me, and he doesn't have the feeling that a farewell is better than a newlywed.
It has been going on like this for almost 2 years, because I don't get comfort, hugs every time I meet, the sexual life I want, let alone kisses, and I'm about to collapse.
I am not yet 30 years old this year, and I really can't control myself anymore. I feel like I can't bear the loneliness. Is this kind of marriage still meaningful? Will a marriage without sex lead to infidelity?
Will a marriage without sex lead to infidelity? At first glance, it sounds very reasonable. Marriage is closely related to sex, and our mainstream culture even believes that marriage without sex is immoral. But this ignores human autonomy and delegates it to environmental conditions. Although environmental conditions are important, they are a secondary factor, and the main factor determining whether to cheat is still the individual themselves, which is the result of our own choices.
In your narration, I also see that you seem to have given the decision-making power over sexual life to your husband, allowing yourself to passively accept rather than actively demand it. You also overlook your husband's abilities, feeling that he doesn't understand and is indifferent, which makes you blindly endure and suppress your emotions and sexual needs. So far, these practices have been ineffective in improving sexual life, only making oneself more lonely and uncontrollable.
Satisfying sexual needs is one's own right, which requires you to change from passive to proactive, express your needs, find effective ways to achieve it, and take responsibility for yourself. Of course, this requires overcoming some of one's own misconceptions, such as: it is not good for women to actively request sexual activity; Sexual activity should be active for men and passive for women; How can such a thing be said out loud? Once rejected, it's too scary and so on.
(Intern Editor: Lai Jiaxing)
