Communication and interaction are indispensable to getting along with each other, as are couples. Living under the same roof every day, it is inevitable for couples to encounter conflicts, which requires interaction. However, there are some negative interactions that can deepen the conflict between couples. In this article, we will introduce several types of couples' emotional interactions, and we recommend that you avoid them as much as possible.
Accusing each other is too selfish
"Couples who only accuse each other if they have problems are too selfish and can be very detrimental to their relationships.". If the relationship is stable and both parties have a sense of security, this mode of interaction is dangerous but also short lived. However, for couples with less stable relationships, it can become a habit and deeply ingrained, impeding all possibilities for emotional reconstruction and repair, and permanently and completely destroying the relationship between them.
When a partner does not respond to themselves, people will feel insecure, so they need to protect themselves. Generally, there are two ways to protect themselves: 1. Avoid engaging in emotions, that is, try to paralyze their emotions, close down and deny their attachment needs; 2. Listening to one's own anxiety and winning the other's attention and reaction.
Once mutual accusation becomes a habit and deep-rooted, it forms a strong and powerful vicious circle: the more you attack, the greater the sense of threat it poses to me, the more I defend you, and the more powerful the counterattack will become.
The secret of stopping accusations
Since it destroys the relationship between husband and wife, it is necessary to stop this interactive mode for a long time. The secret to the attack of stopping breathing is to recognize that no one is a bad egg, and both spouses are victims. It is not necessary to distinguish between who is right and who is wrong to say, "We are starting to prove each other wrong again. If this continues, it will only hurt each other, can we talk again?".
The elusive pursuit mode
Chasing and fleeing are the most common and difficult ways of interaction in couples' relationships. What is hidden in this mode is the strongest emotions and needs in the world, in order to strive for a response that connects with each other and can receive reassurance.
When faced with emotional crisis, men often feel criticized, rejected, and denied by the other party, and play the role of withdrawal. They suppress emotional reactions and needs, do everything they can to avoid the anger and negation of the other person, use rational analysis to avoid emotional communication, and are unwilling to admit that there is a problem between the two people.
Women talk about their feelings of abandonment, inadmissibility, loss, and loneliness, feeling not valued or cherished by the other person, and feeling angry because the other person rarely responds. Because women are usually sensitive to their emotional needs, they often play the demanding and blaming side.
How to Stop Chasing and Escaping
If a couple gets caught up in the interaction of chasing and fleeing, it's a sad thing. How to stop it? Husband: Be aware of your wife's worries, and don't just try your best to provide advice and methods. What she really needs is emotional assurance. In terms of emotions, giving her a sense of security is as simple as that.
Cold and retreat of self protection
If one spouse is too strong and harsh, the other spouse suppresses their emotions, remains silent, and then shuts down and enters a state of self-protection. This mode is very dangerous. "Both people believe that their own shortcomings are the problem, and in order to hide their unlovable, no one is willing to risk reaching out to each other, so there is no interaction at all.".
The crux of the "cold and retreat" model is actually its sense of helplessness. The longer the time goes by, the farther the distance between them becomes, and the more they dare not open their hearts to each other.
Tips for starting over
If you have reached the cold and recession stage, your relationship needs to start anew. The first step in starting anew is to know how to bind yourself and deprive yourself of the love you need, resolve to end the cycle of estrangement, break away from painful interactions, and rebuild strong emotional bonds.
Remember: When a husband and wife quarrel, the content of the quarrel is not the real issue. The real issue is whether your relationship is stable or not. As long as you acknowledge that you have feelings for each other and are willing to make efforts, it is not very difficult for you to work together to get out of difficulties and start reaping happiness again.
(Intern editor: Lai Jiaxing)