She said she was almost 35 years old. Although I feel my age is okay, my parents, relatives, and friends urge me very frequently. After reading for a long time, do I really think we should get married first? Apart from everyone's constant urging and a bit of trouble, I want to use this to block everyone's mouth; I am indeed concerned about continuing to grow older and having children will be a major issue. Older mothers have a risk of childbirth and may not be able to conceive at all. She even wrote that many friends suggested that she get married and have children first, and then sprint to work. And perhaps after having children, you wouldn't want to fight like this anymore.
Actually, this is not her only problem. Many men have become weak these days, so beautiful and powerful girls have the trouble of not finding a partner. But I think people should never get married just to get married. Whether to get married or not should be considered from these five aspects.
Reflection 1: Marriage is a partnership, and if the purpose is not clear, it will definitely not go far
Marriage is not just about achieving a milestone in life, but a choice of lifestyle.
The so-called lifestyle choice refers to choosing another person and starting a new life together. Because there will be an additional person in the family from then on, there will inevitably be compromises and sacrifices in life. So if you really want to enter this new life, what you need is a partner. The two of them have a consensus on their future lifestyle and a consensus on goals, and only then can they work together to achieve the goal they aspire to each other.
But if there is no such consensus before marriage, and it is only to meet the expectations of others, feel like I am doing it because everyone is doing it, or just to have a child, such a relationship will definitely be filled with conflicts in the future. Even a small place can be unpleasant for you, and even a small place can cause a big argument between two people. This is not a partnership, but rather a self inflicted punishment.
Reflection 2: Without marriage, there will be regrets, but having a noisy marriage is definitely a burden
Everyone should think about how they want to live their second half of life, rather than just blindly learning from others.
It is not necessary to get married in one's thirties, nor is it necessary to buy a house, nor is it necessary to have children. Although some experiences have been shared by others, it seems regrettable that one does not have them. But if it's just to avoid regret and end up being bound by various involuntary responsibilities in one's future life, it's not quite good.
And please take a hundred steps back and think about it. There are many things in our lives that we don't have the opportunity to try. Many of us have never had the opportunity to try high-altitude jumping, rock climbing, river tracing, and diving in our lifetime. You may not have been to prison, taken drugs, or drunk, and you may not necessarily feel regretful about it.
You see, there are too many experiences that we may not all have the opportunity to experience, nor may I want to do what others have done. So, when you start pursuing a goal, be sure to confirm that these are truly what you need and that you can derive happiness from them.
Reflection 3: Having children may not necessarily be a joy, but it is definitely a sacrifice
Many people consider getting married just to have children. But I also need to remind you that having children may not necessarily lead to happiness, and it's even possible that the opposite is true.
In fact, most people are often not fully prepared for the hardships of having children, as well as the accompanying hardships and sacrifices of parenting. For many couples, having children is often the main reason to ruin their emotions.
After all, in the original world of two, there was suddenly an additional person who needed constant care, and it would also attract the attention of their partner, which was a groundbreaking change. Many people have not prepared mentally in advance, and have never thought that the sacrifice of having children is so huge; And the investment of time and energy is not yet three to five days, and it may take at least three to five years before you have the opportunity to catch your breath!
So, for many couples, after giving birth to a child, they often feel exhausted due to division of labor and care issues before feeling the joy brought by the child. The investment of money and time often makes people feel that the sacrifice is too great. So, unless two people already have a consensus on the future and a consensus on sacrifice, then giving birth should be considered an option.
It is absolutely not necessary to make a choice just because I feel that others have children and I want to have one, or because I feel that it is too late to have one when the time comes. Otherwise, children are likely to become the killers of marriage or make themselves regret it in the future.
Reflection 4: Having a husband and children, but being tied up in life from then on is actually even more tragic
Although the marriage system in Taiwan is gradually improving, it is still relatively unfair to women.
After marriage, men have little impact on their lives, but instead have more individuals at home to manage household chores. But unless women are lucky or have had sufficient coordination from the beginning, they are often bound by inexplicable responsibilities and obligations.
For example, the two of you quickly bought a house and increased expenses, but your husband doesn't want you to go out to work, your mother-in-law expects you to have more children quickly, and even your own family thinks you should obey. As a result, the salary for raising children and paying the mortgage were not enough, and they had to share it with their parents in law. In the end, life was even harder than when they were single.
Even if the economy is not a problem, it is possible that after giving birth, the responsibility for raising and managing the family falls on oneself.
If it's because of love, then these sacrifices may still be worth it; But if you only marry a man you may not love deeply because of your age. Considering the responsibility behind it, this bet may not be worth it.
Reflection 5: Life is your own, don't make arbitrary choices to settle disputes.
Whether it's a good friend or one's own parents or family, they actually don't fully know your actual situation. These people use some general rules and casually apply them to you to follow, which is actually very irresponsible advice. So you shouldn't be easily convinced by others.
In fact, most of these suggestions are often not the result of rational analysis by family and friends. Well, it's a display of one's own good fortune; Otherwise, it's just idle chatter with nothing to say. When your relatives and friends have nothing to say to you, they will say something political correctness: persuade you to get married, persuade you not to regret getting old, persuade you to grasp the current situation, persuade you to buy a house, and persuade you to have children. But this is often just a topic of small talk, and it doesn't mean that the other person really thinks about your entire life.
Since the suggestion was hasty, it's okay to accept it with a smile when you hear it. If one is provoked or hastily makes a choice to avoid everyone's suggestions, the only loser in the end is oneself.
After all, when others finish speaking, they forget. Afterwards, whether you get married or not, they will simply return to their daily lives with ease. These advisors, no one can help you live your life. So, before making any decision, please think for yourself first. Please rely on rationality to live your life happily and freely, rather than gambling your life on others' advice.