Post Date April, 15 2023
Q:
I am very worried, and my boyfriend has had good times and bad times. We met at the beginning of 2014, and shortly after the New Year, my aunt said she would introduce me to a man who is now my boyfriend. At the beginning of the meeting, it felt quite good. I was quite grateful to my aunt, who also told me that the man's family hopes to get married as soon as possible. But because I was young, I was only 23 years old at that time and had only graduated one year, so I always felt that there was no need to rush.
My boyfriend also means the same thing. He is 8 years older than me and 31 years older. However, there is no gap between us due to age differences. We both play well and have similar personalities and hobbies. I especially like the feeling of a mature man taking care of girls like my boyfriend. He dotes on me, and I really like this feeling.
However, since the beginning of this year, I have clearly noticed that my boyfriend's attitude has become cold and indifferent. He doesn't have that kind of enthusiasm, and the dating time for a year is not too long. The passionate love period doesn't fade away so quickly. My friend comforted me and said that once I get familiar with it, I may not be as attentive to it. However, I feel that this is not the case, and the problem is not that simple.
Later, a quarrel broke out, and he said that while I was with him, I still gave other men a chance. Other men besides him were attentive to me, and I didn't refuse. This made him feel that I wasn't sincere, I just treated him as a boyfriend and not as a husband. I think it's very unfair. Our classmates have regular weekend gatherings once or twice a month, and I have shown several boys I know each other on WeChat. Every time, I invite him to attend, but he doesn't go on his own. Moreover, I don't hide anything from him. He speculates about me like this, which makes me very hurt.
But these, I thought, would be fine if explained clearly, and should not constitute a reason for his indifference towards me. Just when I couldn't figure out the reason for my boyfriend's coldness, the answer came to light on my own.
That night, I stayed at my boyfriend's house, but in the middle of the night, I couldn't help but hear him talking on the phone in the living room. He argued a few words, but his voice was very low. I leaned over to the door and opened a crack. I couldn't hear a few words clearly. At that time, my heart was completely cold. Because it was so late and I had been calling for so long, it wouldn't have been a man on the other end of the phone.
The next day I asked my boyfriend about this matter, and he refused to tell me the truth. He only said that there was something wrong with his colleague's family. He was trying to persuade me last night. When I asked a man or a woman, he said, 'Don't guess.'.
I had no idea in my heart. My intuition told me that my boyfriend knew another woman, but as for when that woman met and where she had progressed, I don't know. During this time, the reason why my boyfriend seems to have no time to respond to me is because of this woman.
I looked at his WeChat and QQ, and found several suspicious looking girl IDs. I have already taken photos and saved them. How am I going to talk to him next? He just doesn't admit to cheating now. I have plans to marry him. If things go wrong before marriage like this, is it easier to cheat after marriage?
Answer:
You need to first confirm whether the distance between yourself and your classmates is not appropriate, causing them to misunderstand that your relationship is not long-term, causing them to seek new relationships, or whether he is already a man who is not easy to settle down and has a habit of being ambiguous. It is important to distinguish this point.
It is easy to determine whether a man has betrayed and is willing to be loyal. With a few questions, conclusions can be inferred from his answers or by observing some details of his life.
During the romantic phase, you have a greater choice. At the same time, answering your concerns is also a concern for many women. Men who cheat before marriage are indeed more likely to cheat after marriage, and there are also special situations where they are temporarily shaken and tempted. However, if not guided correctly, men will misunderstand your bottom line, so as long as they do things without revealing any trace and letting you know, you will not mind. Many women only know how to be loyal to their families, but do not know how to make men loyal to their emotions.
