The biggest obstacle many people face in interpersonal relationships (especially emotions) is a sense of security.
"I don't want to enter a relationship because I don't feel secure, I check attendance because I don't feel secure, I choose to leave the other party because I don't feel secure... I have experienced and heard countless questions about security myself, but what is the truth?"?
Let's turn around and see what security really is! "We can divide these three words into an adjective and a noun, which are security and feeling (abbreviated as feeling). Therefore, in short, security is the feeling of security, which means that I believe I am safe.".
We can see from the sentence "I believe I am safe" that the sense of security is actually just how a person judges whether they are safe or not, and whether they believe in their own safety or not, which has nothing to do with their actual safety.
"I have seen the most insecure person, probably the one in the idiom 'Qi Ren Worries about the Sky'. Even if he lives well, he still worries about whether the sky will fall every day. He has no basis to say that the sky will fall, but he just doesn't believe he is safe.".
"The reason why Qirenwutian has become an idiom is that this person's behavior is very stupid and funny, but when we laugh at him, do we ignore that when we lack a sense of security, our behavior is actually no different from his.".
Many people lack a sense of security, so they ask their partner to report, report their itinerary, check their attendance, check their connections, and check their mobile phones. This may lead them to believe that they are safe in this relationship, but in reality, these behaviors have nothing to do with their own safety. People who are capable of cheating will still think of ways to cheat, These methods of seeking a sense of security will only allow the person to perform more sophisticated leg splitting techniques.
Therefore, whether you believe in your own safety or not will not affect whether you are actually safe or not. Even if you believe that the building of your home is strong and a major earthquake comes, what should be crushed will still be crushed, which has nothing to do with how you believe it; And even if you think that you live in a ruin, any wind or rain may endanger your life, but if you're not dead, you're not dead.
"A sense of security is simply something that doesn't exist, but we frantically seek products from this imaginary world, even attempting to claim them from others.". How do others give something that doesn't exist?
"We all have concerns about safety to some extent, but worry does not change anything, it only makes us waste our time on things that are completely unproductive, causing us to suffer in vain.".
You can try making a list of insecurities, which can include: the other half cheating, the other half sending messages to other heterosexuals, the other half going to dating websites, the other half not loving me, my friends not liking me, my girlfriend pregnant, but the child is not mine/pregnant, but the boyfriend reneged and said the child is not his Friends speak ill of me behind my back... You can do your best to list all the things that make you feel insecure, and then help them rank to see who makes you feel the least secure. Finally, you will find that no matter how you arrange them, it doesn't affect whether they will happen or not.
A long time ago, someone asked me, "Why don't you even look at your girlfriend's phone?"? I said, "Those who can chop are those who can chop. What's the use?"? She doesn't know how to delete records? Then the other person asked, "Why can you let your girlfriend watch your phone?"? "I said, 'Because this way, they will feel more relieved and won't bother me again.'".
Concern about security does not help us in the slightest in our lives. "We don't have a sense of security, usually referring to my worrying about the future, and when you're worrying about the future, your present is passing by minute by minute.". The future is actually just any present moment in the future. When you worry about the present moment in the future, you are losing the present moment.
So whether you worry or not, the things you fear can or cannot happen, and it has nothing to do with whether you worry or not. According to the Law of Attraction, your fear of safety will not only prevent you from danger, but it is even more likely that danger will find you.
There is another more suitable definition of security: believing in one's ability to handle any situation, When you have this true sense of security, that is, believe in my ability to make yourself safe, you don't have to rely on anything outside to make you feel safe, and naturally you don't have to seek the illusion of security anymore.
If you are really upset about the future, please do something helpful for the future. If you're worried about your partner splitting up, please take a good look at what's wrong with you? Why do you have such worries? Where do these worries come from? Is it because you think too much yourself, or because of the other person's behavior? If your relationship already has some hidden concerns, the thing you should do is not to check the other person's mobile phone, but to deal with your problems;
If your relationship seems to be okay, but you personally feel very insecure, the thing you should do is not to check the other person's phone, but to deal with your own problems; If your relationship has nothing to do with you personally, and the one with the problem is the other person, then leave him alone and live your life well! Anyway, those who will split or split, those who will break up or those who will divide. In the end, you will find that checking someone's phone is the most useless thing in the world.
When you want to seek a sense of security in any external person or thing, you will find that everything is futile, because it is up to you to decide how to be safe. You always have the right and ability to modify the definition of security. You should never tie your feelings to others. That is not only foolish, but it will also make you subject to others for life.
"To have the ability to face and handle any situation is the ability that you should truly pursue. In fact, your safety can be completely provided by yourself.".