Post Date April, 15 2023
[Question]
My boyfriend talked about four or five times, but he finally married me, but he knew everything. After marriage, he always unconsciously worried that I would not give up. If it was not for pregnancy, he would not marry me. He wore a wedding dress with his stomach sticking out. At that time, he was happy. Now, he is a little sad
Excuse me, my husband and I have been married for five years and have been doing well all along. However, my husband still has a barrier towards me because I had an affair before and after marriage. I thought we could separate before and after marriage. After marriage, I would definitely have only my husband and wouldn't cheat. However, before marriage, I didn't think it was too bad to have a few more dates. At that time, I wasn't just his boyfriend, There are probably four or five people who maintain relationships at the same time, and they are the ones who have the most contact.
After the relationship with other men was discovered, he was supposed to break up with me, but I had my husband's child, so he married me. Because we were on a business trip together in A city during that time, it can be confirmed that the child is the husband's, and he is also aware of this.
Although he is very kind to me and I have always been a good wife and mother to take care of my family, he has been very concerned about this for five years. Can you tell me what I can do? How can I make my husband truly accept me? It has been five years.
Answer
Men tend to avoid situations where a woman is pregnant and the child is not their own. You are fortunate to be able to prove your child's background.
You cannot explain your thoughts to him. You believe that loyalty is an obligation after entering into a marital relationship. He won't agree with this. He is quite kind to you, indicating that he is still a restrained man. However, he also hopes that you are flawless, and he regrets your past. If life could be rewinded, he knew from the beginning that your value orientation in love was like this, and perhaps it was impossible to hold hands with you. However, to this day, discussing the past is meaningless.
At present, he has sincerely accepted your child and also tolerated your premarital capriciousness, which is very rare. You can only silently listen to his occasional complaints and criticisms. You must also feel uncomfortable in your heart. You will think that before marriage, I am different from after marriage. But this is beyond his control. He will worry about which day you will carry him behind your back and hang out with others. So he doesn't dare to be too close to you, instinctively maintaining a little distance, because the deeper he loves, the deeper he will be hurt in future accidents.
Don't demand that he completely forget, but you can compensate him for a better present. Five years is indeed quite a time, but compared to the entire life, it is not that long. Don't make things difficult for him, don't force yourself. The child is slowly growing up, remember your current role positioning, even if he is skeptical about your "rebirth" and gets along day and night, he can still feel your sincere dedication.
Perhaps you have noticed that when you have a quarrel, he will only bring up the old story again, so you should try to avoid this situation that causes pain for both parties. This requires you to be more meticulous and patient, but it's worth putting in more effort for the person you love, right?
Also, intimacy is the ideal state. When there is some unchangeable "history" between you, while maintaining intimacy, understand and respect the distance that the other person sometimes reveals. I would also like to remind all those who are preparing for marriage that sincerity is not equivalent to unreserved candor. Some people in the past have had to bear some unpredictable consequences if they knew that the other party would find it difficult to accept and even poured beans out of a bamboo tube. Heart knots are easy to knot but difficult to unravel, as has always been the case.
[Question]
Should I pay for his divorce after marriage by concealing his physical condition before marriage?
Because before I got married, I didn't tell him that I was not a virgin and had been attending a gynecological clinic repeatedly. After getting married for a year, he often makes trouble with me about divorce. I love him very much, I treat his family very well, and my parents in law are also very kind to me. I have had a miscarriage for 23 days now, and I want to maintain our marriage. I don't want to divorce. What should I do?
Answer
Some men feel that they have suffered a great loss when they marry a woman who has had sexual experience. Not to mention outdated concepts, their selfish and narrow side often makes marriage difficult.
Don't think that having a child can change everything. It's highly likely that both you and the child will suffer. Men with a virginity complex are often bound by the concept of valuing men over women.
Both men and women should cherish their bodies. Before you are completely cured, you should follow medical advice and avoid marital life. After you take good care of your body, let's live with him and see if he keeps picking on the nitpicking - your love is not worth a penny in his place, why give it to this person again?
