The stability of marriage requires two people to maintain it. However, there are many factors that lead to derailment. Often, it is not external factors, but internal reasons that lead to the occurrence of derailment. In marital relationships, the three emotions are the most likely to derail. Therefore, if you want a stable and harmonious marriage, you must avoid the following three emotions.
1、 Loneliness
A wife said to us, "As soon as my husband Zhang arrived home, he kept fiddling with his computer endlessly. One day, when I went to the bookstore, my books and groceries fell on the ground when I tried to retrieve my wallet. A kind man helped me lift my book and asked, 'Oh, do you really like classical novels?' A week later, I went to the bookstore and happened to meet him again.".
The next day we talked for over three hours. "Things always go from one thing to another, but to be honest, it's not sex that drives our relationship, it's conversation.". To Zhang, I'm just a reproductive machine, and that's all between us. This loneliness is unbearable. "
If a person lacks intimate feelings in life, if they cannot find someone to share the big and small things in life. A sense of loneliness arises spontaneously. This sense of loneliness is precisely the main factor that causes extramarital love.
2、 Monotonous
One man said, "For 11 years, although I've been thinking about other girlfriends, I've never really wanted to go looking for an affair. One night, because my wife was out for a party alone, a woman invited me to her place for a drink or two. At first, I felt shocked and nervous and told her I couldn't go. But that thought kept stimulating me. Two days later, I called her and it happened."
The temptation of external stimuli is the second most common cause of infidelity between couples. After five or six years of marriage, the enthusiasm began to cool, and daily life fell into a fixed pattern. Once free couples also had children, while sexual life was always conducted at the same time and in the same way.
Extramarital love, on the other hand, provides many risky factors: flirting, chasing, danger, released emotions, and fear of being discovered.
3、 Lack of communication
"We heard a description of a couple's quarrel: 'I feel very angry about my husband Liu never helping to take care of the children. I also have my job, and it's annoying that taking care of the housework has become my own business.".
One Friday afternoon, he asked me what to eat for dinner, and I replied, 'Eat the northwest wind!' After hearing this, he flew into a rage, and my anger became even greater. He ran out of the house and shouted, 'I don't have to endure this!' Later, he told me that he and his girlfriend slept for the first time that night. "
Many couples lack awareness of the damaging ways of communication in their married lives, blaming each other, and as a result, feelings of anger and frustration permeate all aspects of life, especially sexual life. The establishment and maintenance of a marital relationship is achieved through the exchange of thoughts and emotions, and sexual life is the most important form of intimacy in emotional communication.
Ms. Li said to us, "We argue about sex, and my husband feels that he takes the initiative every time, so he's very unhappy. Indeed, he keeps his face on me all day, so I don't want to take the initiative at all. So he turns over and sleeps with him, and even ignores me in the morning."
These destructive ways of communication cause both parties to suffer greatly and create an increasingly strong sense of abandonment. Anger and abuse, these mutually attacking ways of communication, permeate the entire marital life. A mother admitted, "He's driving me crazy, and I won't let him."
A woman lawyer complained that although she was holding her breath psychologically, she ostensibly had to give in. "When I go to work, I the final say, and I give advice to others. But at home, no matter what the facts are, my husband always thinks that he is always right and I am always wrong." Think about it, will a couple in such a relationship seek love and sexual relations outside of marriage?
Saving a marriage that is on the verge of collapse is much more difficult and takes longer than destroying it and ending it. But if you insist on trying to rebuild your relationship, regardless of whether an extramarital affair has occurred.
In marriage, we should learn to communicate and understand each other. Only through communication and understanding can we make our marriage last longer and become happier and more fulfilling.