Post Date April, 15 2023
I am 42 years old and have my own company and career. I have a house and a car. Married for 15 years and has a daughter who is 13 years old. My wife met on a blind date at the time, and there wasn't much affection at that time. It was just that both parents thought it was suitable, and I got married just like completing a task.
I am at home now. I have to get up at 6 am to cook breakfast for my child and wife, and take my child to school at 7 am. During the day, the company works very hard, and after work, I have to tutor my children with homework until 9-10 pm. On weekends, I accompany my children to various training classes. My wife hardly does any household chores, and regardless of the children, she only cares about playing games online or watching her phone. My wife and I have been sexless marriage for 3 years.
I used to think that my life would just be like this, but three months ago, I met a woman at a friend's party who was completely my type, gentle, kind, and understanding. We fell in love at first sight, and it turned out that her marriage was not happy either. We hate to meet too late, and after spending 3 months together, we feel that everything is well matched and suitable. She said that after falling in love with me, she can no longer tolerate the torment of her current marriage. Last week, she decisively divorced. Due to her current housing being under her parents' name and the couple having no common property, the divorce was simple, and the man took away his personal belongings.
Now that I'm getting divorced, I'm in trouble. My wife wants me to leave the house clean, and for this reason, I have to give up two properties and stocks worth over 10 million yuan. I am now confused and tangled in my heart. On one side is the woman I truly love. If I want to marry her, I will divorce and become penniless; On the other hand, there is an emotionless marriage, a wife who has no marital life, and my beloved and uneasy daughter.
May I ask the teacher, do you have any suggestions? I eagerly await your reply.
reply:
Married for 15 years, your daughter is already in her teens. You have a successful career, a house and a car, but suddenly feel like your marriage has failed and you are stuck in a stagnant water. So, what did you do earlier? Why do you habituate your wife like this? You are not an incompetent person, why do you have such a low status in the family and make your wife so pampered?
In your opinion, it means that you have no sense of responsibility towards your wife, only know how to enjoy yourself and be selfish, right? If such a woman is indifferent to her men and children, and has no sense of contribution to the family, then what value does her existence have in this family. At least in the past three years, what has been maintained between you is only a superficial marriage, with the names of husband and wife but not the actual ones, right? There is no basic marital life, indicating that this marriage has indeed existed in name only.
However, no matter what, it is completely unreasonable for you to easily fall in love with other women during the marriage, especially a married woman. No matter how much love, attraction, or agreement you have at first sight, you should first ensure that you have sufficient qualifications to engage in romantic relationships. Otherwise, you will touch the moral bottom line and carry the stigma of betraying your marriage, and the truth is that it is true.
Now, through your surface entanglement, it seems that what I see is a certain sense of guilt and unease within you. Because when faced with the woman you truly like, you are not prepared to marry her, but she suddenly chose to divorce for you. You may not want to divorce and start a family with her, but you find that the cost of divorce is so high that it's a bit daunting. In fact, you still can't get away from thinking like a businessman and calculating this emotional transaction.
If you really feel heartbroken about the current marriage, then if you choose to stay away from it, there is nothing you cannot turn back on without hesitation, including going out of your home. If you have a crush on that woman and truly love her, you will not worry about having nothing from now on. The reason why you feel hesitant indicates that you still care too much. Why does your wife require you to leave the house clean? It's not just to blackmail and balance you, but to play the wrong role. Otherwise, why don't you argue based on reason? She said that if you leave the house clean, you can leave the house clean. If the agreement fails, you can still go through legal procedures.
The key is what you really think, what things hold more weight in your heart? Whether it's people, interests, money, or family relationships, you must weigh them well. In short, some choices are both realistic and cruel, and there is no perfect choice. You only need to follow your true inner guidance.
