My husband doesn't understand my hard work and often forces me to love in the middle of the night

I am 29 years old and my husband is 34 years old. We got married last year. His family conditions are not good and his education level is not high. Sometimes I feel tired and unreasonable reasoning with him.

Other contradictions in life will not be discussed in detail, but the following are really unbearable for me!

"I am a medical worker who works in an emergency center and has nine night shifts every month. I don't have a good rest during the night shift, so I also hope to have a good night's sleep when I get off work. However, my husband always goes to bed first at night (around nine o'clock), and when he wakes up, it's around two or three o'clock in the morning, asking for sex.".

"At that time, I was sleeping soundly and was awakened by him. I was very upset and mostly refused him.". "I don't sleep well, and it takes two or three hours to wake up, but he can fall asleep immediately after being rejected by me, and the best sleep time every night is spent with my eyes open. I've also told him before: I can't sleep well for a third of every month, and I hope I can sleep well for the rest of the time. I don't like to be woken up at night, which will keep me awake for a long time.".

"I also quarreled with him at night because I was awakened, but it was no use at all. He still went his own way.". In April, it was still very cold at night. I couldn't sleep and played with the computer all night after being woken up. He woke up in the morning and knew that I hadn't slept since zero, so he didn't care.

Last night, this was the case again. At 11:00, I was woken up and couldn't sleep. I was playing with my mobile phone and sending messages, which made him unable to sleep well. He was annoyed and asked me to send messages in the living room. I replied, "It's too cold." He complained that I was making him unable to sleep well, "I said, 'Then I slept well, and who woke me up?'" He said, 'I pulled you, so you couldn't sleep anymore?' "I told you before, when I was on the night shift, I couldn't sleep well. I usually hope to sleep well, but it takes a long time for me to wake up. '"

"He was very angry when he heard this and said, 'Strange,' and I replied, 'I slept well and was shaken awake. I couldn't sleep. I wonder, what are you?'" "If you feel like you can't sleep well here, go back to your mother's place to sleep." If there is any argument about other things, he will drive me away. As long as he disagrees with him verbally, he will say, "Don't stay here in the future, go back to your mother's house.".

This happens two or three times a month, and I can't even talk about it. I feel tired even talking about it, and it doesn't work at all. "This is still the case in the future. I am now sleeping in bed, feeling very nervous and afraid of being shaken up if I cannot sleep well at night. Sometimes when I lie in bed, I feel my head ache.". I really don't want to live like this anymore!

He has a habit of using his mobile phone to set an alarm clock, which rings at 5:30 and 6:00. He gets up after 7:00 and presses the button to continue sleeping. He says it's good for sleeping.

After more than a year of marriage, I didn't even get a birth permit, so I had to pay 500 yuan to get a birth permit, so I could take part in a pregnancy test in the future. He didn't want to pay it and asked me to give birth secretly. I didn't agree. My attitude is not to have children without a birth permit.

"I feel that as a man, he has no responsibility and is always willing to shirk responsibility. When he is clearly wrong, he always takes it out on me and yells at me.".

"I really don't want to continue, which makes me feel so tired. I haven't spoken to my parents yet, fearing that they will feel sad when they know it. My aunt agreed with me and thought he wasn't willing to apply for a birth permit, so as not to have children and not be easy to leave. My uncle thought I was just saying one-sided things. He is an honest and honest person, and he hasn't used violence against me. I shouldn't think about divorce, I should live well.". Can only the use of violence prove bad for me?

Is it my attitude or his behavior that is wrong?

Re:

From your letter, I seem to see a lonely and anxious woman who has many difficulties communicating with her husband, who is somewhat exhausted in her life, who is always restless at night, who feels neglected and disrespected, and who is not responsible and considerate enough for herself.

At the end of the letter, you talk about whether the key issue is your attitude or his behavior. In fact, in the family, there is no absolute right or wrong, but each other cannot understand their own needs.

The greatest need of a man is to be worshipped. A woman's greatest need is to be loved.

In your family, your husband is not enough for you to admire. He will ask you what books he needs to buy for the exam, and when he doesn't get an answer, he seems to be a bit embarrassed and angry, shouting at you. I also hope that you can help with the registration process later. I wonder if he has ever had a chance to take on responsibilities in his native family. His behavior is like a child asking for something from his mother. If his mother doesn't give him in time or doesn't give him what he wants, he gets angry.

As a man, he can't spoil you either. "At night, you are always disturbed, unable to have a good rest, and your husband cannot be aware of it. He will not do anything about your fatigue.". Even when you are sleeping, you are anxious and worried, afraid that he will wake you up in the middle of the night. And setting an alarm can also affect your sleep.

He has not achieved basic respect, and he will communicate with you in such a language as, "If you feel that you can't sleep well here, go back to your mother's place to sleep." If there is any argument about other matters, he will drive you away. As long as he disagrees with him verbally, he will say, "Don't stay here in the future, go back to your mother's house.".

No matter from the language, behavior, or psychology, he has not achieved respect and understanding, let alone pampering. So when he speaks these words, the dialogue between you is not deep, and is mostly critical. What you need to express to him is your various emotional feelings: anxiety, injury, fear, and so on.

In addition, communication between families sometimes requires the involvement of professionals, as many times two people are trapped in each other's world, coupled with insufficient energy on both sides. There is a premise that you are still arguing, at least you still care about each other. If you don't even have the strength to argue, it probably won't work. Both people need to make changes in order to dance the dance of happiness.