Post Date April, 15 2023
I have reached the age of marriage and have a relatively stable job. My boyfriend and I are the same age and currently do not have a stable job. We have been in love for 4 years, and as soon as his job is completed, we will get married. The house and car at home are already ready for us. I have a male friend who we have known for 12 years. In the past six months, during a conversation, he expressed a crush on me for 10 years. I feel very happy chatting with him, so I often contact him, but I never thought about breaking up with my boyfriend in my heart.
But last month, my friend and I drank too much, and the man who had a crush on me called me, and we had a relationship. Afterwards, I regretted it very much, but I still wanted to hide this matter and didn't expect to be discovered by my boyfriend. He was very angry and pulled my hair with his hand, but he didn't exert any force. When we calmed down, he said he forgave me. From the bottom of his heart, he thought I was lost and brought me back. He said it was also because of his work and personality, and he never seriously considered my feelings, which led to such a thing happening. He also said that he was angry because his heart hurt me and he felt that I had been wronged. He treats me better now than before because he doesn't want to be separated from me. I still want to marry my boyfriend and live a simple and happy life before. But my friend told me that after this kind of thing happens, a man won't easily forget. If I hurt him, he will still feel very angry in the future, intermittent anger, and it will affect our relationship. In the end, only two people will be injured. I know I made a mistake, broke his heart, and I regret it. I shouldn't have drunk so much that day. Now I feel very uneasy. I really hope my boyfriend will forgive me sincerely, but I am afraid that he will often think of this and get angry in the future. What should I do?
Ruolan:
Your betrayal has caused a crisis of trust between you and your boyfriend. How to rebuild a trust relationship, win their love, and how to love them are all issues that you need to carefully consider. It's not just about thinking, the key is action, it's about how to do it. No one wants to live in the past, especially in the pain of the past, unless they intentionally touch the 'scars'. Since your boyfriend promised to forgive you and you don't want to part with him, you should trust him. If you see this as a problem and fear it won't help, what you need to consider is how to do it in the future without touching the "scars". You should know that this is not just a boyfriend's "scar", but also your "scar".
If you are unsure if you want to marry your boyfriend again, then have a good conversation with him, be honest, talk about your thoughts, concerns, and needs, understand his thoughts, feelings, and needs, discuss how you will get along in the future, and form a contract if necessary to constrain each other's actions. Worrying and guessing blindly cannot solve the problem. If marriage is used as a remedy or redemption, it is important to carefully understand.
