I have been married for more than two years, and my marriage was also very happy. But something happened recently, which made me very unhappy. My husband unexpectedly hid a purple underwear of his ex-girlfriend in his study, and I had been with him for nearly three years, but I didn't know it.
I'm in a mess
I haven't revealed this matter until now, and I'm very upset. I don't know how to deal with it. Think about the obscenity when he was holding the underwear. I really can't live with him for a day. Is he still a gentleman and a teacher? I really can't figure it out, and I can't accept it. He pursued me before marriage, and he has broken up with his girlfriend for nearly a year. Since we were together, he has not had any contact with his ex-girlfriend. He is also very considerate to me at ordinary times. I always thought I was lucky, picked up a treasure and married a good man.
However, how could he be so dark inside? His behavior has completely shattered my beauty, and I can't go back to the past. I don't know whether to stick to going forward or just cut it up as soon as possible, because I am a perfectionist. I need the help of emotional experts. Where should I go?
Know clearly where your bottom line is
Response from emotional experts: Hello! I believe that no woman will feel good about such things, let alone you are a perfectionist. However, we need to remind you that the reality is reality after all. In this world, no one's marriage is perfect. They always have their own shortcomings, regrets and worries. The best way to deal with these problems is to know where their bottom line is. If they do not exceed their bottom line, then we should let these many problems be solved in the framework of holding hands.
First, calm down
Therefore, the advice of emotional experts is that first of all, you should calm yourself down and think about whether there is subjective speculation or reinforcement in your so-called discovery, and whether there are other possibilities. Then, you should let yourself know where your bottom line is. If what you see is completely true, then it will really violate your bottom line, or just a form. If you think about these problems clearly, you will naturally not be so troubled.
You can talk to him openly
Of course, I want to say my opinion. In the case of your husband, I think you should try to calm things down and not go too far. If you really love him and he is really good to you, then you should give him as much time as possible and make him realize that he should leave the past in a roundabout way. If it doesn't work out, you can talk to him openly, tell him all the problems, deal with them as they are, and don't humiliate him. Anyway, it is necessary to give him more opportunities and use more positive energy to deal with various problems in marriage.
Be cautious about divorce
As for whether this marriage should be divorced or not, if I may be frank, it is entirely your own personal problem. Your mood is always beyond the understanding of others. However, as an adult and a married person, you should have a holistic view of everything, understand empathy, and try to tolerate something you can tolerate. When perfectionism rises, think twice.
(Intern editor: Lai Jiaxing)