Case:
My husband and I have been married for more than ten years, and we are usually busy at work, but in general, our life is very smooth. But my husband is impatient, and he has difficulties or things that are not in his mind. Especially because of problems at work, he is prone to lose his temper. Whenever this happens, I can't help arguing with him. Every time we can imagine that there is a volcanic eruption, and the children cry several times. Recently, I found that children suddenly become silent. I hope to change this situation and make children feel safe. We can also improve our relationship.
Next time I meet my husband who is unstable and angry, how can I decompress him and let him get through the difficulties smoothly?
Expert in maintaining love, marriage and emotion:
This kind of situation is a difficult problem for everyone. When the other party is unstable and prone to lose temper, the temper at this time is often aimed at himself or those close to him. Everyone's self-esteem will be challenged. It is difficult to deal with "bad temper" in this situation. It is also difficult to help Fang ease his mood, relieve his pressure, and get through difficulties with him. The following ideas are suggested: first, stabilize your emotions; Secondly, help him deal with emotions; Finally, solve practical problems.
1. Stabilize your mood and don't be led by his bad temper. It's a bit like playing taijiquan. The "bad temper" sent by the other party is not directly received, but solved sideways, that is, the "bad temper" of the other party is not targeted at himself, but the result of his irritability.
2. Help him express his emotions. When you see that he is in a negative mood (pain, anger, irritability, depression), help him express it, such as "Do you look angry?" or "Do you look depressed, and have you met anything wrong?"
3. Willing to accompany and listen. When the other party is in the mood, don't be more emotional than him. You should move calmly and slowly, and speak softly. "I know you have your reasons for doing this. I'm worried about you. Would you like to tell me?". Or don't say anything, just accompany him and let him feel your heart.
4. Be curious about what he said+don't know. Once he speaks, he can listen with all his heart. Just ask questions about things he doesn't understand or doesn't understand. The purpose of asking questions is to help him understand what he says, but not to ask what he wants to know. Don't be a good teacher. Don't give reason and advice to the other party, and don't contradict him. You care about this person, not what he has done, especially don't evaluate the right and wrong of things. We should believe that this period of time will pass. He has the ability to overcome difficulties. This is to help him vent his emotions and re-understand himself, his relationship and his environment in the narration.
5. When the other party's mood calms down, help them solve the actual problem. At this time, you can give your own suggestions or opinions, help the other party understand his own but neglected power and resources, and express what you can do for it. I think this is the job of a professional consultant. It is really a challenge to let a person without professional training do it. Fortunately, no one cares more about your lover than you, which is the most powerful.
Come on! I support you and bless you!