Post Date April, 15 2023
That year I fell in love with a man. Seriously, I'm not sure if it was love. Instead, I would say that it was a feeling of being touched by my heart. But I can't tell what it was. I would feel a little nervous when I think of this man. I would care about his words and actions. Do you think he is very attractive and attractive? I don't think so. You said he was handsome and good-looking. I have seen a lot of fresh meat, but I can't put this man down.
It's really strange that he treats me hot and cold. Although I feel very painful and hate him, my heart immediately flies to me as soon as he looks for me. I feel like I'm in heaven. It's strange that this feeling of ups and downs makes me feel very exciting. I feel no sense at once for the boys who behave well, and it will suffocate me! " Vera's expression is very rich when describing her love.
Have you ever felt this kind of ups and downs before? I asked.
Vera tilted her head for a moment, and suddenly her eyes flashed and told me: Yes! When I knew that my father would come back from abroad, I would always look forward to seeing him in those days. I was very happy at the moment I met him, but my father went out again after a short time together. He always gave me not enough time. Oh, my father has two families
You think, even if he works in other places, he has to take care of two families when he comes back. In fact, he can't expect anything. Vera also knows how to comfort herself. However, it's annoying that I told myself this, but I'm still very sad! But when I saw my father, I felt that I was the happiest child in the world! Then I felt that if my father was at home every day, I would be happy to die! Vera returned to the state of a happy child in a second.
So the repeated feeling of sadness and happiness is sometimes quite enjoyable, isn't it? I asked.
How can I have fun! Who wants to be sad all the time! Vera protested.
But it's interesting! There are also people who always give you the feeling of happiness and stability, right? But what is missing from them? I asked. Are you less "waiting" and "sad"? Less distance? Without stimulation, I continued to ask.
Ouch, I feel so abusive! Is it that every relationship of mine needs to be abused to make me happy! Vera is really self-deprecating, but she seems to understand.
Familiarity becomes a fatal attraction
Dear, in Vera's childhood, she always wanted to be accompanied by her father. However, the feeling of getting along with her father formed an emotional imprint in our emotional memory, which will be awakened when we get along with others and become our emotional entanglement. Vera said: I hope my partner can stay with me and focus on me all the time. I hope he is not as busy with work and two families as my father.
But she recounted her feelings, fell in love with the flying man, tangled long-distance love, knew that the other party had a girlfriend or was willing to be a junior, and so on. She had all experienced, but finally her feelings were still not settled, and she was still searching for a man similar to her father.
The desire to rewrite history is ultimately a failure
The sense of expectation to get along with her father and the sense of lack to get along with her father are easy to become the yearning of the little girl. Without awareness, we can easily find and make up for the "loss" in childhood. Vera is trapped in the familiarity of getting along and trying to get the feeling of "correction" in her partner. That is, she falls in love with people who are similar to her father, but tries to make them behave differently from his father, and instead becomes a man who is always by his side and needs him, trying to rewrite the history of her heart, but finds that these men are still running away like his father, After all, she copied the ups and downs of her childhood in her emotions.
I don't think I deserve a good man
The scary thing is that Vera is afraid of a truly stable and safe partner, because she has no model of intimacy in her memory. Just thinking of a person who has been with her will make her feel weak. Another argument is that when children are not accompanied enough, they tend to belittle or doubt themselves in their hearts. If they feel good enough, why is the father not around? It is easy to have low self-image. Therefore, it is also easy to pick out people who have "problems" in the selection of partners, so that they will not feel their "problems" in too good partners.
So you said, what should we do? Then please start to distinguish clearly and act for yourself.
Save yourself from childhood
We often become helpless and hopeless children, eager for someone to take us away, looking forward to someone to open a new world, and live a happy life of prince and princess since then, because in childhood we can only hope for the future. When we are adults, we will lose our power to wait and hope like this, and we will also focus on others, constantly falling in love with similar people and trying to change their character, which will only make us more frustrated in our emotions.
Dear, we should stop being saved and be our heroes. Save the waiting girl, soothe the girl who is depressed because of sadness and loss, and let the girl know that she deserves to be treated "well". A girl may be flustered. When she meets someone who is willing to give her stable love, you should also be able to comfort and encourage the girl, so that she can stay in stable emotions more comfortably. You can start to promise girls that you should go through emotional events with girls, see the objects you choose consciously, and consciously detect whether you fall into the whirlpool of hours again, and repeat the same pattern.
Yes, Superman is very busy, and we can all be our own Superman.
