Why do two people who are like glue when they are in love keep stumbling as soon as they enter their marriage? "Why do parents give their" love "without complaint or regret in exchange for their children's unhappiness and complaints... Marriage and children's education issues are the biggest troubles of modern people. How can we easily enjoy happiness, happiness, and love in marriage?"?
Teach you to follow the "trilogy" of marriage and family:
Part 1: Before Marriage, Understand the Two "Psychological Tasks" of Marriage
"Friends who think it's easy to live happily in marriage, please raise their hands." Zhang Yiyun asked such a question at the beginning, but only one person raised their hands in the audience.
Why do people find marriage difficult to manage? "Why marry? This is a question that must be solved before starting a marriage." She said that the biologist's answer is "If we don't marry, humans will perish." As a psychologist, Zhang Yiyun's view is that marriage is to accomplish two psychological tasks.
The first task is to learn more about yourself. Many people say, "I know myself very well!" For example, when some unmarried girls see others calling constantly for their late husband, they always think they won't do such things in their lifetime, and she won't be jealous. However, when she gets married, she may be the first person to call when her husband comes home 10 minutes late.
"Before marriage, self-awareness such as' what kind of person I am 'and' what kind of situation I am in my marriage 'may not necessarily be correct. Only when we get married and have close contact and interaction with others can many deep selves emerge." Understanding the true self can better handle marital problems.
The second task is to understand love. "People are good at being loved from an early age, but once they enter a marriage, they need to understand how to love. This is a big turning point.". "Love" simply means "making the person you like feel good", but to achieve this goal, you not only have to pay, sometimes also have to compromise, even sacrifice.
Part 2: After marriage, strive to meet the emotional needs of the other party
"How on earth can I manage a happy marriage? In fact, dealing with marital relationships is like dealing with all interpersonal relationships. I must give each other what they want, and he or she must give me what they want in order to maintain eternity." Zhang Yiyun said, "What does he or she want from marriage?"?
For men, obtaining recognition of their abilities, appreciation of their talents, and gratitude for their efforts are the three emotional needs they desire from marriage.
Therefore, when being a wife, one must not attack men's abilities or hurt their self-esteem; When evaluating a husband's talent, don't take economic strength as the sole criterion. A man's sense of responsibility, interests, and hobbies are important aspects of evaluating a man's talent.
What emotional needs do women have in marriage?
One is often concerned. The most important thing a woman cares about is whether her emotions are understood. As a husband, one should care about his wife's psychological state every day. For example, how are you doing today? More considerate than any material reward.
The second is the affirmation of being loved. Every woman wants to be sure that her husband likes her, so she keeps asking, "Do you love me?"? "If a man understands a woman's heart, adopting a strategy of 'defending against aggression' and actively expressing love such as' I miss you so much 'can better meet the emotional needs of a woman.". Third, ideas are respected. Depriving women of their right to feel is the worst thing a man can do.
However, marriage is not smooth and tranquil. Once encountering conflicts, how should we handle them?
"This requires both spouses to make more emotional investments before conflicts occur; after conflicts occur, try to reduce the harm to each other." Zhang Yiyun said, listening to each other's words, responding promptly whenever they speak, and throwing their eyes at each other is a good way of emotional investment. Especially when the other person is in a bad mood, using language to repeat the meaning of the other person's words can make the other person clearly understand that you understand, which can help the other person calm down and enhance the happiness of their marriage.
Another way to invest in emotions is to constantly affirm each other. "This affirmation is not a gratuitous compliment, but rather a recognition of the other person's personality traits and family commitment.".
In addition, couples can cultivate some interdependent rituals, allowing each other to do things for you that they can accomplish, such as cutting their nails, taking clothes after a bath, and so on, which can enhance the intimacy between couples.
Once a couple has a conflict, it is important to minimize harm. Do not personally attack, turn over old accounts, or evade.
Trilogy: Promoting Parents, Fostering High EQ Children Is Most Important
What can ensure a happy and carefree future for children? Not money, not education, but high emotional intelligence.
Zhang Yiyun said that EQ is the collective term for the ability to understand oneself, adjust one's emotions, understand others, and use skills to create a win-win situation.