As mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the two women have nothing to do with each other in the past few decades. Only because they love a man together and become a family, so the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship is not the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but a more complex triangular relationship than triangular love. In triangle love, there is always one who is not loved, and one who will eventually quit, so it is relatively simple. However, in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, both women are loved. Neither woman can quit, and should live in harmony. However, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in China has been flourishing for thousands of years, and mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have almost become "natural enemies", so that the man who should have the love of two women is caught in the middle, suffering from the oppression. Many men don't know how to deal with this relationship, which leads to deeper and deeper conflicts between their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, ranging from family disharmony and hatred between their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to divorce and family ruin!
For husbands who don't want to be trapped, if they want to have the deep love of their mother and the warm love of their wife at the same time, take a good look at this ten precepts!
The first rule is not to have the concept of "all parents in the world"
Many husbands seem to have this idea and like to put it on their lips to show their respect for their parents and "filial piety". Especially after the wife has been wronged by her mother, the frequency of this sentence is the highest. She knows that her mother is wrong, but she only dare to say to her wife, "There is no wrong parent in the world. If she is wrong, she is also my mother. Please bear it more!"! So the wives had no place to vent their resentment and had to weep secretly. Women in this kind of family, because they are not protected by their husbands, their love for their husbands will gradually fade until they are disappointed in marriage. Some may escape from marriage, and some may turn from forbearance to counterattack, eventually leaving everyone in this relationship scarred.
Second, please take the initiative to wean yourself from the day of marriage
After every woman gets married, she hopes that the man she entrusted to her for life can grow up and be responsible for supporting her family. But many men forget the role change and always think that they are still parents' babies. The most obvious sign is that they don't want to live alone with their parents. His most grandiose reason is: I want to take care of my parents! The man who still lives with his parents after marriage has not changed much since before marriage, because he knows that when he is with his mother, his mother is reluctant to let him do housework, and his wife dare not assign housework to him in front of his mother. Or, just like before marriage, he lives a life of clothes, hands, and food. Only two women are busy for him, where can he do something for his mother?
Many mothers have the feudal idea that "marrying a daughter-in-law is to take over their own duty to serve their sons", so they instilled this idea into their sons from childhood, and practiced it personally, taking care of all the housework, not letting their sons do a little work, and always like to praise their sons in front of their daughter-in-law how lazy they are: my son didn't even help when he was young when he poured the oil bottle! Men, are you proud or ashamed to hear this? Are you a suckling baby, can't even lift the oil bottle? Or are you used to treating your mother as your own mother, and letting your mother train her to be your paid nanny, and let her take over your mother's class to serve you?
Many men who live separately from their parents will consciously divide housework with their wives. But if his parents stay in his home for a period of time and leave, his good habit of helping with housework will be destroyed completely, because his mother won't let him do a little housework during the period of his parents' stay, and his wife won't dare to assign him housework, so he will enjoy the services of his mother and wife at ease. If once his parents leave and return to the world of two people, his wife requests to restore the previous division of housework, The husband often said, "My mother never lets me do housework"! The implication is that the wife should treat him like her mother or follow her mother's life path! - Please think about it. Is your wife marrying you just to find someone to serve you, become an accessory of others, and be enslaved by others?
Third, don't be afraid to be labeled "unfilial" by others and lose the principle of being a person, and follow the orders of your parents
Under the influence of thousands of years of feudal thought in China, "filial piety" has become a supreme virtue and the most powerful shackle of the patriarchal society, so some people have concocted the story of "twenty-four filial piety", which attracts the filial sons and grandchildren of the world to follow suit. If a person is accused of being unfilial, it is just as unforgivable as the crime of ten evils. But this "filial piety" is different from the law, and there is no clear standard, so it has become the most easily used by parents to suppress their children's big hat. As long as the children do not listen to themselves, or slightly contradict their own opinions, the parents will cry and scold: You are not filial, I raise you in vain! Men who cherish their reputation often feel thunderous when they hear such accusations. Therefore, in order to maintain their "reputation" of "filial piety", men often give up their principles of life, right and wrong are not clear, good or bad. Especially in the case of conflict between the wife and the mother, the wife is considered to be the responsibility of the wife without asking any questions, and helps the parents to blame the wife. In this case, men do not stand on a just position to maintain family harmony, but blindly ask their wives to endure humiliation and compromise to maintain the apparent peace of the family.
In fact, men with this kind of foolish filial piety thought are deeply influenced by the feudal thought of "the monarch is the leader, the father is the leader, and the husband is the leader". But in the society of monarchy and patriarchy, where the hierarchical concept is extremely strict, even the extremely pedantic Confucius advocated that "the monarch is unjust, the minister can contend with the monarch, the father is unjust, and the son can contend with the father." So these foolish and filial men only absorbed the dross of feudal thought and abandoned the essence of it. What they care about is not the true filial piety to their parents, but the reputation of "filial son". Therefore, this kind of foolish and filial man is not the real "filial son", but the hypocritical person fishing for fame!